batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
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