fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
