Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Blow job season was short but glorious.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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