if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
