Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
