He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Randomize