Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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