You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
