It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
