I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize