"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Randomize
