What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Randomize
