I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Randomize
