I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Randomize
