The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
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