we made out on top of his cat.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
well, you know. whores of a feather.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
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