He disabled his match.com account in front of me
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
