Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Randomize