i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
