thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
