When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Randomize
