Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
