I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Randomize
