got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
that is very illegal...i love you.
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