3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Randomize
