You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Randomize
