remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize