Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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