My Higher Power is John Stamos
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
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