Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize