Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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