it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
