woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
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