i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize