Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Randomize
