Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
