this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
How does it feel to date your dad?
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
