no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
