fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
how drunk are you?
Several
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize