never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
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