I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Randomize
