ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
