ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I want to fling myself into the sun
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
