rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
