It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Randomize
