Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Randomize
