No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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