I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
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