Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
nutella sex= disaster
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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