Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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