or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Randomize
