Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Randomize