im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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