i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
It was confusing and full of hummus
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Randomize
