In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
