she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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