That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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