I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
