Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
