i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
