You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Randomize
