time to smoke my breakfast
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
