'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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