I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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