You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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