It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Randomize
