i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
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