Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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