I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
This is the high leading the old right now
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Randomize
