He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
stop calling my apartment porn island.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I still have a little drunk in my system
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Randomize
