Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
