The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Randomize
