Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
