i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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