It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
