im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
