Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
In other news, I just burned my penis
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
