Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Randomize
