Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
