how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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