If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
