I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize
