1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Randomize
