WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
