haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
