since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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