how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize