WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
