Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
