Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
