there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
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