So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
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