Yo dont text me then not text me
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
