I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
