Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
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