you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
