finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
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