he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Randomize