It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
