Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
