bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
