Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Randomize
