areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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