yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
