Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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