Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
