I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
