My room smells like vodka and shame
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
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