he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
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