If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
