ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
