There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Pants are for mortals
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize