after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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