we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
