I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
I came so hard my ears popped.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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