In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
