smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
