yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
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